I have no idea what I’m going to do after high school and it’s really stressing me out. There are so many directions to go it’s making Myhead spin

There’s this girl in class who’s my BFF and I have had a crush on her probably since grade 3-4 and she still don’t know but idk what her response or reaction would be if she realises that after all these years, she finally knows that I like her

I dint know what it is but I always have these thoughts that I have to do something really stupid (example: switch the lights on and off 11 times before I leave the room) and if I don’t do it then something bad will happen (example: a loved one will pass.) sometimes I try to avoid doing these tasks but it brings a lot of anxiety on me:(

I have social anxiety, I can’t go out with my family anymore and when I do I can break down at any moment. I’m worried that will happen.

I’m worried that I will never be good enough, nobody expects a whole lot of of me but I still disappoint them, I can’t seem to function like everyone else and I’m afraid that soon everyone will give up on me and I will give up on myself.

I liked a guy. He liked me. I lost feelings. I told him. He won’t stop texting me now, and he was in with a group of friends that helped further my depression, who I’ve ended things with. I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I want to be left alone from him. It makes me want to cry just thinking about him, and I want him to just screw off!

I use to always be talkitive and Energetic and wanting to go outside with friends but lately I haven’t been the same. I rather stay inside and be close to family. I went out with friends the other night though I felt like I didn’t get involved with conversations as much or the same as before and they noticed I didn’t talk the same they asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t answer cause I didn’t really know myself…

I don’t know if listening to music like Twenty One Pilots is helping me or hurting me. I love it, I connect with it so much, but it also sometimes makes me really sad. I don’t want to stop listening to their music though.

I’m worried that I am a waste of space

I’m worried that I’ll never be loved

By the time I graduate everyone I hold dear will have left me.

My mom keeps telling me I’m not gay

My friend betraying me and talking about me behind my back to their other friends

That my constant sadness will continue getting worse.

I have so much stress just from school and social expectations and I don’t know how to deal with it all

I have no friends, I spend weekends alone and the last time I left my house was months ago and I had to tell my mom I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday because The people I asked to spend my birthday with me made up excuses not to go

I’m loosing confidence and it hurts 🙁

I will be fatter then everyone else and be made fun of.

My dad yells at me for no reason at all and then makes up excuses for yelling… And if that isn’t bad enough he tells me I should treat him better… He just honestly makes me not wanna live… 🙁

I hate everything about myself. I was anorexic for four years and I self harmed for ten years (I’m 16). I’ve tried to kill myself upwards of 70 times. I’m pretty much fully recovered but I still have severe anxiety and depression. I’m so insecure I’m fearful of relapsing.