I worry that my loved ones will die sometime soon, because I will never be ready for it.

I’m worried my best friend is going to kill themselves and I’m worried that they’re gonna go and leave me and everybody and they’re in too deep to help themselves anymore. they won’t go to councilling anyways no matter what I do I can’t help them and I’m scared to lose them and I’m so selfish saying that I’m the one that’s gonna be in pain when it’s not me it’s them.

Why can’t my life be over? I wish I could get a serious illness to die from, I don’t want to have a painful death. I do not want to suffer. But then I feel selfish for all the individuals fighting for their lives, and for my family, but why couldn’t they be happy for me and just say, “she’s finally where she wanted to be” Six years, six years in and out of hospitals, off and on medications. Will my life always be like this? I don’t want to cause pain to myself because I experience enough pain in my everyday life, that’s why I want it to end. Will an overdose make me suffer?

I worry about my relationship

I worry that I’m gonna be targeted when his suspensions over

I turn my head away when I pass any mirror, and I limit the amount of times I open my eyes in the shower. I want to cry when I see my reflection

That ill love my whole life feeling this way

I worry that I’m dragging everyone down with me and my problems

I worry I’m gonna have a hard time in high school

I’m scared the future is so unclear and it freaks the shit out of me. I don’t have a real family anymore and it hurts

I met a guy online I like but I can’t tell my parents :/

I left deviantart a few months ago and someone was impersonating me and messaging all my friends and making them mad at “me”. One of my good friends was messaged by this person and my friend said she hated me, and basically that our entire friendship was a lie through her/his quite perfect teeth. I wish I could apologize and I did last night and told her the story, but she/he doesn’t believe me.

I never dated or had a first kiss before its annoying

My family is scared for me and I understand. But the ways my mom tries to help makes things worse. I know she will never understand but it frustrates me so much. She makes me feel belittled a patronized, like I’m a kid not to be trusted alone for 5 minutes.

That I’m too far for help

I worry that my dark thoughts will eventually become a reality. I experienced a very traumatic childhood. I was sexually assaulted by a 33 year old when I was only 12 years old, he had done that 4 times in the one night. I live with a deep regret that I never done the right thing, I feel that I should have stopped it from happening the first time. I was scared and felt so alone. I never quite understood what was going on completely as I was 12 at the time. I endured such a long court process. It took 3 years for it to actually proceed. It was a hard thing to agree to, I had to get up in court and tell people I barely know my story, my secret. After I told my story it just became harder, the defends attorney made me feel like an idiot, she twisted my words and made me feel weak. I had the same VSC for 3 years and then she left, she couldn’t take on my case anymore. I feel like whenever I trust someone they walk away. My father was very upset when I told him what happened. He was mad that I didn’t tell him right away, he took it very hard as it was his best friend who done it. I needed him the most after it happened but he experienced depression leaving me to figure out my problems by myself. I never had a mother figure in my life and I was dependent on my dad. He wasn’t there. Nobody was. Nobody understands. He don’t know how it feels to constantly feel alone, empty, and worthless. I need someone. My dreams are getting bad, I have seen me kill myself in over 10 ways through my dreams. I feel like nobody hears me. Like I’m invisible. Like I can’t escape the dangers of my mind. I need to be heard.

I worrie about my marks and not to long ago my mom got mad at me from one of them and I’m still getting the lectures about how I have to do good in school

what worries me is being judged. I feel like no matter what I say if do someone always has to mock me, tease me or pick at me. they think it’s alright I guess I kinda play it off as cool. but it really bothers me and sometimes I wonder why I’m even friends with them.

I’m worried that my scars will cause people to judge me.

I’m worried I’ll be pressured into something I don’t want to do.